Gone
by DD Agent
Summary: Jenny and Gibbs have another clash at work that lead to Jenny doing something desperate.  Set between 310 and 311


**Gone by DD Agent**

_I do not own NCIS or any of its characters, or its settings - all belongs to the lovely folks at CBS._

_I was talking to_ pennyshepard _about Lauren cutting her hair and I brought up the Buffy episode of 'Gone' that had a great justification for Buffy cutting her hair. I based some of the dialogue off that scene._

_Hope you enjoy!_

Jenny Shepard had been having a rough day. Actually, it was more like a rough week. Maybe even a rough year. She had spent the beginning of the year in hospital after getting shot by one of her own team on the payroll of the Naples mafia. It looked like she was going to be spending the _end_ of the year on her own, avoiding her former lover and their old relationship.

Jenny was tired of the little looks, the way he could summon up the lust and love she still felt for him. She was his _boss_. She couldn't have an affair with a colleague. Not when she had worked so hard to become Director. She wouldn't lose it all, even for him.

Without warning her office door banged open, and without even looking up Jenny knew it was Jethro storming through. She could hear Cynthia follow on, making excuses for his entry. Jenny just stood up, swallowing and trying to summon up some balance to deal with whatever happened with her former partner. Once Cynthia had left, she turned to Jethro.

"Can I help you with anything, Special Agent Gibbs?" Jenny asked, trying to keep her voice calm. She was avoiding looking directly into his eyes because she knew what she would find. And she knew it wouldn't take much after such a stressful day for her to jump straight at him.

Jethro passed over a file. "Need your approval on some overtime."

She met his eyes then. Although it was procedure, Jethro had never been one for following rules that weren't his own. He just worked his team into the ground to solve the case, not bothering about paperwork or proper channels. Jenny looked over the file, already aware of the case and knowing the murder of two marine dependents was worth giving overtime for. Jenny still didn't know why he had _physically _come up to her office to request it. It seemed so unlike Jethro.

After she had signed the paperwork, Jenny looked up to see that Jethro was on the other side of her office, looking at what books she had, the pictures on her shelves. She pushed herself out of her chair and walked over to where Jethro was standing. She grinned at him as she handed him back the file, her skin shivering a little with how easy it was to fall back in to old habits. It seemed he had no desire to return back to his case, and Jethro didn't procrastinate. Jenny smiled as she realised why he was in her office.

"Lame," Jenny stated as she stared at him. "Very lame."

Jethro smirked at her. "What?"

She shoved the file into his arms. "You. Making up excuses to see me."

She didn't wait for a response, just walked back to her desk, not wanting to deal with Jethro and the conversation they were bound to have. She was just so used to falling straight into his arms, letting him hold her, but she didn't have that luxury anymore. There had to be boundaries. Still across the office, Jethro stood, not wanting to leave just yet.

Of course, he was smirking. "Don't flatter yourself, Jen. Just wanted to get the paperwork right. I know what a hard ass you can be."

Jenny snorted, turning to him. "It's 'Director', Agent Gibbs. Now I believe you've got a case to be getting on with?"

She turned around to her desk, trying to get a sense of what she was supposed to be doing. Calling the SecNav. Operation in MTAC. She could hear Jethro walking towards her, could almost feel his eyes on the back of her neck. She turned around just as he stepped one foot from her. As she rested against her desk, he took the final step and pressed against her. Too close. Too close to the edge.

"Jen, how long do you think you can hold on to this Director act?"

She looked him dead in the eye, knowing he was challenging her. "My job is not an act, Gibbs."

He smiled, his eyes betraying him. He was trying to appear in control, but they both knew it was getting to them. The need to have each other. Being so far out of reach. Jethro reached out and stroked her face. She closed her eyes, relishing in his touch. Then his hand moved to her hair, fingers tracing her red curls.

"I always loved your hair. The way it shone in the light. The way it bounced around when we were-" Jenny grabbed his hand too tight, bringing it away from her hair. She knew. She had always known how obsessed he had been by her hair. Loving the colour, loving the way it curled. Brushing her hair had been foreplay some nights when they had had the time to enjoy such pleasures.

Jethro's hand moved out of her grip, but moved further downwards. Jenny moaned as his hand brushed her stomach. Arousal and anticipation gripped her. She only had to let him, only had to lean back and let him take her and then this constant fight would be over. The constant fighting was getting to her and she was so tired…

"Stop it," Jenny whispered, more a moan than a command.

Jethro leaned in closer, kissing her neck. "You don't mean that."

There was a knock at her door. Jenny came to her senses and pushed him away, moving quickly behind her desk. Cynthia came in, reminded Jenny about her need to call SecNav and the operation in MTAC before leaving them to it. Alone again, the room was silent. Jenny was rattled, but she wouldn't let herself appear emotional. She watched Jethro watch her, watched the pain in his eyes. He pressed his hand to her desk for a moment, before leaving without a word.

Later that night, after the operation in MTAC had finished and the killer of Jethro's case had been caught, Jenny went home alone. Sitting in her study, she poured herself a glass of bourbon and sat, thinking. She couldn't give in; she couldn't let her professional life be compromised by her feelings for Jethro. She had worked too hard to get where she was, and she was going to make damn sure that she got what she needed out of such a fast track career.

After a few more tumblers of bourbon, Jenny headed up the stairs to her bedroom. She looked in her bedroom mirror, watched her red curls bounce over her shoulders. She had always loved her hair, always loved the feel of it. Had loved the way Jethro brushed it, the knowledge that if she wore it down then he would push her to the wall of their Paris apartment almost immediately. She was sure that when Jethro saw her, curls resting on her shoulders, he automatically thought of that.

She saw the scissors resting on her chest of drawers. Her fingers toyed with them, but dropped them down. Then she turned back to the mirror and looked at her hair. _She_still thought of herself as Jen. There was too much alcohol in her system for this to be a logical decision, but Jenny picked up the scissors again and cut off a lock of hair.

It almost hurt, but she kept cutting. Short. She wanted it really short. Then she would look like a Director of NCIS. Then she would see if Jethro still wanted her.

The clumps of red hair that dropped to her bedroom floor almost looked like blood.


End file.
